SOFT
BUTT ADVENTURE RIDE REFLECTIONS (First published by
CITY BIKE Magazine, in their May, 2017 issue, authored by their columnist Dr. Gregory W. Frazier, Chief of the World Adventure Affairs Desk)
“World’s
Toughest Rider license plate holder? 500 to1,000 miles in a day? Power napping
on a roadside rest picnic table splotched with some kid’s upchuck crawling with
ants? Nah, let’s ignore Budweiser beer world records and stretched tales of
perceived adventure, go the other direction, do Africa as soft butt motorcycle
adventurists.”
To
be one of the worlds softest butt riders took detailed planning, starting a
year before the actual road riding began.
Time had to be carved out of a personal work schedule for one entrant while
the other timed his plug-pulling for retirement to coincide with Africa riding
dates. Plans for motorcycles for the
Soft Butt Adventure Ride had to be computed and compared for shipping, buying,
renting or borrowing. Farkle, bling and
electronic gizmos check lists were compiled. Riding gear needed to be procured
and tested. Acquaintances who wanted to join the two-rider team of #7 and #9
were interviewed, accepted or rejected.
Money needed to be banked, bills prepaid, airline tickets booked and
pre-existing medical conditions managed or delayed.
In
the equipment category, there was enough time to conjure a motorcycle helmet
specifically for use in Africa, the SAFARITOURO adventure helmet. A foreign design team who were traveling the
United States promoting themselves as two of “the world’s foremost adventure motorcyclists”
were used as examples of Internet marketers trolling for fame and fortune at
the expense of inexperienced or ADV Wannabes. Their prototype Africa helmet was
eventually rejected and offered for sale at $4,999.97 with a rumored buyer
having been a Hollywood television personality known to collect cars,
motorcycles and memorabilia.
Going
against the marketing tide of long distance riders choosing big displacement
motorcycles pimped as adventure models, the Soft Butt team of #7 and #9 chose BMW
F700GS models. When asked by another
Africa motorcycle traveler on a 1200cc displacement motorcycle why they had chosen
small motorcycles for their Soft Butt adventure, #7 (Richard C. Livermore)
replied, “I want something I can pick up when it falls down.”
Upon
receiving their Top Secret Soft Butt Rider’s Kits in Cape Town from Paul
Blignaut, proprietor of the well respected “Professional Southern African
Motorbike Rentals and Tours” company (www.gsafrica.com) , the navigator of Team Soft
Butt, #7 happily applied his “E.T. phone home” talents to the mapping of their
projected 7,000 kilometer route. When
done, he noted that while their route was being ridden over a five week period,
the Internet had told him it could be done in less than 60 hours.
To
a less knowledgeable adventurist, the difference between 60 hours and five
weeks could seem WTFOT. One observer
said, “I could push my motorcycle over your route faster than you wimps from
Soft Butt Land.”
Neither
Soft Butt entrant expressed any ego damage from the conjecture. They knew they had factored in some extreme
adventure elements the uneducated observer knew nothing about, like the 10,000
steps one was trying to walk each day for exercise. With his priority for security, safety, and
daylight, he wanted not to be outside of the hotels or sleeping places after
dark, so the steps usually had to be done within their daylight riding
days. To insure daylight walking safety,
short riding days were scheduled. For
instance, one day of motorcycling between Witsand and Heidelberg, South Africa,
started at 10:30 AM and ended after 26 miles of macadam, giving the walker
plenty of time to step off his 10,000 steps, and make-up for a few shorter days
when sundown beat him to his10,000 mark.
When the "10,000 stepper" (Livermore) was told that the 10,000-step practice was a BS plan for fitness, merely a marketing tool and gimmick from the 1960s from a Japanese company selling a pedometer called the "10,000 steps meter" and there were no scientific studies to support that number of steps being good or bad, Livermore ignored the truth and kept 10,000 stepping instead of riding. He said he had read it was good fitness training on the internet. It reminded Dr. G of the same information Livermore had read on the internet that recommended putting four quarts of oil in his two quart volume motorcycle, even though Livermore owned a half dozen of the same year, make, and model motorcycles and later said he "knew" they only needed two.
When the "10,000 stepper" (Livermore) was told that the 10,000-step practice was a BS plan for fitness, merely a marketing tool and gimmick from the 1960s from a Japanese company selling a pedometer called the "10,000 steps meter" and there were no scientific studies to support that number of steps being good or bad, Livermore ignored the truth and kept 10,000 stepping instead of riding. He said he had read it was good fitness training on the internet. It reminded Dr. G of the same information Livermore had read on the internet that recommended putting four quarts of oil in his two quart volume motorcycle, even though Livermore owned a half dozen of the same year, make, and model motorcycles and later said he "knew" they only needed two.
While
the Soft Butt stepper/hiker was logging his 10,000 steps, the other one of the pair used the
daylight hours to explore with his lightened motorcycle (luggage stored in the
hotel room for the night) unpaved roads and mix with the locals. These deviations from straight line riding
gave the pair private time apart. One
could phone home and friends, post to his Facebook account, surf the internet or watch some the 5000 books and 200 movies he'd brought with him or had access to on his digital devices while the other rode gravel roads and contemplated how to
respond to questions raised in the mainline press about Fake news and
journalistic ethics, a newsworthy topic which had seemingly not missed the
jungles of Africa.
Another
rule that was factored into daily distances was “No riding after dark.” This
often equated to finding Soft Butt quality sleeping and eating places before
2:00 PM when rooms were generally available for Check-in. One of the pair liked to check-in to a Soft
Butt hotel, go for an afternoon swim in a sanitary swimming pool, do his 'E.T.
phone home' and then be at the hotel restaurant at opening time for dinner, and
often breakfast. It was not unusual to
find him locked inside his room at 8:00PM with a Do Not Disturb sign on his
door until 8:00AM. This schedule equated to less than 10 hours of riding time
each day. Some days no riding time was
accomplished when a hotel was found to offer amenities like a safe beach,
laundry, or high speed Wi-Fi and the duo decided to layover for another day of
10,000 plus steps and touristing.
Touristing? Like stopping, parking the motorcycles and
visiting an elephant park? Not for the
Soft Butt Adventure Ride. A motorcycle
tour company advertised the “Ultimate GS Adventure in South Africa,” and #7 and
#9 had GS Adventure model motorcycles and could have taken the elephant
adventure but opted instead to be tourists through a motorcycle museum. The tour through The Motorcycle Room (www.themotorcycleroom.co.za)
on Thesen Island, Knysna, let the Soft Butt entrants inspect and touch a
wide variety of motorcycles versus walking among elephants, and let them tout
“We’re motorbikers, not elephant hikers.”
Upon
completion of the Soft Butt 7,000 Adventure Ride, Paul Blignaut and his GS
Africa team put on a braai (barbeque),
congratulating the pair. High fives were
given, swill flowed and tales were told.
#7, with the help of some wine, proclaimed that he was ready for the
next segments of the pair’s ride around the world, Europe and Asia, agreeing
that he had overcome some of his risk adversity and the saying that seeking
trouble sometimes created a capacity to handle it.
As
the clock passed well beyond the usual 8:00PM “Do Not Disturb” time that night,
I reflected on our Soft Butt days, remembering years ago being told that to
find adventure one must look for trouble.
Africa the Soft Butt way had some weird adventures, far from the
Ultimate GS type being marketed to the motorbike group tourists. We were away from our hotel rooms, after
dark, and being 2,000 steps downhill to our hotel might be added to the list of
risk aversions.
The
Soft Butt Adventure Ride had been recounted at www.bit.ly/1QhmgA1, starting with the April, 2016 “Planning.” As always the scribe has tried not to let
facts fog a good tale of an adventure on the road around the globe.
[END]
